Towards the end of one of the worst mani-pedi experiences of my life, my nail tech asked me a question I’ve grown accustomed to since turning 25.

¿Cuantos año tienes?

I’d been at the shop for hours so by this time we’d grown a report. I threw a side-eye at first, unsure of the motive for asking.

Veinte-tres? Veinte-cuatro?

Cute. I raised my brow, contemplating before answering.

“I’m 34.”

As expected, my nail tech’s eyes widened as she gave me a quick once-over from head on down.

“I know. I know,” I responded.

Tienes niños?

“Yo tengo los sobrinos,” I said with zero certainty I was saying “nieces and nephews” right.

She sucked her teeth. 

You don’t want any?

I took a beat before deciding what to respond.

“It just hasn’t happened,” I said. “Men are trash.”

She nodded in agreement.

…

The guy I thought I’d share my life with no longer wanted marriage “as recognized by the state.” The guy before that turned out to be an alcoholic. The one before that was still finding himself. 

Despite these relationships not turning out the way I’d hoped, I don’t actually believe all men are trash. I’ve heard of some really nice ones and even met a few in real life, but I’ve never been with anyone I trusted enough to raise a family.

So, here I am, an old maiden in the eyes of the world around me. But I only ever feel old when my niece and nephew try to explain Roblox to me. Most times I feel fine about it. Good, even.

The key emphasis is on most. I won’t lie and say I never think about what it’d be like to have my own family, but when I consider the fate of the women I know with kids? I’m doing pretty well, thank you very much.

My dating history is saturated with people in need and I dutifully obliged without ever considering my own. Now that I’m getting wine-fine, I feel more confident taking time to define my wants without placing imbalanced weight on others’ opinions. Besides, someone will always have something to say.

Today, I’m grateful for the lessons received from hard decisions and even harder breakups that have brought me to this place of clarity—having kids would be a delight, and not having them won’t be the end of the world. My life is lovely and full and it’s giving so many things I’ve asked God for. And as I strut into my thirty *cough* year, I feel extremely excited about the adventures ahead.